


55. I Don't Mind

by Guardian_Rose



Series: 100 Ways To Say I Love You [55]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 14:34:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18500977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guardian_Rose/pseuds/Guardian_Rose
Summary: Jace isn't going to let Alec suffer alone, even if he has no idea what went wrong between Alec and Magnus.Not-so-surprisingly, Magnus isn't willing to let things be either.----“The worst part is,” Magnus said quietly, eyes on Alec’s because out of the two of them, he’d always been braver, “I was right. I was right."





	55. I Don't Mind

“You’re being taken off duty,” Jace’s voice seemed to be so far away, like Alec was miles underwater whilst his brother called from the surface. “Isabelle is relieving you for the week, I think. I’m not one hundred percent sure but you need thi- Alec? Alec. Are you listening to me?”

 

Alec looked up at him, he wasn’t certain he’d been looking at anything in particular before but now he was definitely aware of the concerned, and slightly irritated, look on Jace’s face.

 

“I’m fine,” he said at last.

 

Jace’s frown deepened, brows furrowed until there were lines in his forehead that his fringe couldn’t hide. “No, you’re not. You’re off duty until you tell me or Izzy or  _ someone _ about what happened with you and Magnus. You can’t bottle this all up, it isn’t healthy.”

 

Alec scoffed and walked away from Jace to sit behind his desk. Jace followed him, planting his hands on the edge of the desk and leaning forwards, forcing Alec to make eye contact. “You’re hardly one to talk about what is and isn’t healthy, Jace.”

 

“Exactly,” Jace countered, expression fierce as his tone. “You were, and still are, there for me so here I am, returning the favour.”

 

“I’m allowed to not want to talk about it,” Alec said. 

 

“I’m not asking for every detail, Alec. I’m asking,” Jace paused, giving Alec the opportunity to finally glance away again only for his gaze to land on the photo of Magnus he kept framed, “I’m asking you to tell me what went wrong, why did you do it? You were literally about to propose to hi-”

 

“Jace,” Alec cut in. 

 

“You-”

 

“ _ Stop _ .”

 

“No, Alec, it doesn’t-”

 

“He wasn’t happy!” Alec shouted at last, startling Jace enough for him to step back, Alec took a shaky breath and then another but it wasn’t helping the sudden shakes he didn’t want his brother to see. “He wasn’t happy, without his magic. He told me. To my face, that he wasn’t happy. That he couldn’t be. So I…”

 

“How?” Jace whispered, then repeated louder as the shock passed. 

 

He couldn’t stop the confused frown from surfacing as he turned to face Jace again. “How what?”

 

“How did you get his magic back? Lorenzo wasn’t an option. No other warlock could have...warlock,” Jace’s intense concentration dripped away bit by bit as he came to the same conclusion Alec had. “You summoned his father? His demon father?”

 

Alec nodded mutely. Jace pulled a chair over and dropped into it, pushing his hair out his face. Alec couldn’t stop looking at the photo. Of Magnus gazing lovingly at a point just above the camera, at the person taking the photo. At Alec. That love, that joyful, unabashed affection had been directed at  _ him _ . It had been  _ his _ . And he’d sacrificed it. He’d crushed it. After he’d fought tooth and nail to show Magnus that they were meant to be together, that Alec would never leave him or resent him for his work or his family; after all that, he’d listened to Magnus beg him to stay, almost broken as Magnus had kissed him and he’d still walked away.

 

“Does he know?” Jace asked after a long moment of silence. “Did you tell him?”

 

“No,” Alec shook his head. “That was the deal. I- I leave him and he gets his magic back. Jace, I know it sounds awful and I know I’m not- I’m not great right now but he’ll be happy. He’ll have his magic and he’ll be happy again.”

 

Jace shook his head slowly, he was wearing the expression he normally saved for Simon when he was being a particularly stupid idiot. “You’re an idiot.”

 

Alec scowled. “This is why I didn’t tell you. And this  _ cannot _ get back to Magnus. I don’t want to jeopardise his life anymore than I already have.”

 

“He’s going to figure it out. As soon as his magic returns, he’s going to know. He’s not stupid, Alec.”

 

“I held up my end of the bargain two days ago, he’ll have his magic back by now and he hasn’t so much as sent a text so I think it’s fine. It’s done and that’s that,” Alec could hear someone arguing down the hall and was grateful for the excuse to end the conversation. “Something’s happening outside so I’m going to go-”

 

“What part of ‘off-duty’ didn’t you understand? Sit your ass back down, read a book or something. You need time to relax,” Jace was already at the door and pointed at the shelves across the room to emphasise his point, Alec didn’t quite have the energy to roll his eyes. “I’ll see to whatever’s causing the end of the world right now.”

 

Alec sighed but nodded, leaning back in his chair reluctantly only to shoot up onto his feet, jaw dropped along with what felt like his stomach as Jace opened the door to a familiar face. Jace may have squeaked a bit. He definitely sputtered when he spoke. 

 

“Magnus?” 

 

The incarnation of righteous fury, Magnus, stood stock still in the doorway. There were blue sparks flickering and dissolving at his fingers that were clenching and unclenching. Glamoured eyes were looking Alec up and down, over and over and Alec couldn’t help, didn’t  _ try _ to help, doing the same. Magnus was...he looked exhausted, frankly. Not to the same degree as he had when Lorenzo had taken back his magic. His hair was still gelled up and he wasn’t in a hospital gown but whilst physically he looked like he’d just ran all the way to Alec’s office door from the loft, which he still didn’t have back anyway, his eyes were blown wide. The angry set to his shoulders and lips were practically carving cracks into Alec’s resolve. He wanted to hunt down whoever had hurt Magnus this much but that was so much harder when  _ he _ was the only one to blame.

 

Jace cleared his throat and Magnus seemed to finally notice him, silently stepping to the side. Jace threw a pointed look at Alec over his shoulder as he escaped the room. A part of him wished Jace had stayed, it would be easier to keep up the lie with Jace there to help back him up. Magnus, unaware of the conflict currently rending Alec apart internally, closed the door behind him and locked it with a flick of his wrist but didn’t come any closer. Alec swallowed heavily. There was no good way to handle this. No good way for any of this to go. Jace had been right and deep down, Alec had known it. 

 

“Magnus,” Alec croaked out, wincing at his own voice, “why are-”

 

Magnus held up a hand and Alec snapped his jaw shut, knowing when was best to wait for Magnus to find the words he wanted; he clasped his hands behind his back to hide how his fingernails were digging into his palms to the point of stinging. In the end, they weren’t what Alec had expected.

 

“The worst part is,” Magnus said quietly, eyes on Alec’s because out of the two of them, he’d always been braver, “I was right. I was  _ right _ . You aren’t that selfish, I should have trusted in that. I should have fought harder to get you to talk. I shouldn’t have let go. I think- I think that that was my biggest mistake. Letting go.”

 

Alec, who’d started shaking his head halfway through, tried to breathe through the cold grip that made him want to gasp for air, that was burning his lungs. “No,” he said, “no. Magnus, no.”

 

“I’m so,  _ so _ angry with you. I am,” Magnus said, yet there were tears starting to glisten in the corners of his eyes. “But it wasn’t all your fault. He’s a manipulative bastard and he was wrong. I was wrong when I said that stuff, I was drunk and heavily depressed and I-”

 

“ _ Stop _ ,” Alec breathed out, strained and trying to breathe and trying to figure out how to stop this because he can’t admit it, can’t do that to him, Magnus was not going to lose his magic for a third time.

 

Magnus’ eyes hardened over a little, not with the anger he’d talked about earlier but with determination. The glamour on Magnus’ eyes dropped. 

 

“I’m angry with you but I still trust you. I know you made a deal, Alec, I  _ know _ .”

 

“No. No, I didn’t,” Alec said, feet rooted to the ground as Magnus stepped forward. “I didn’t do that.”

 

Another step closer. 

 

“Magnus, go home again, you’re- you’ve been drinking again, right? That’s all. You’re- you’re trying to…”

 

“I’ve not drank anything, Alec.” Another step. “And you know where home is.”

 

Another.

 

“I can’t…”

 

Magnus was right in front of him and it was just like that Angel-forsaken night all over again, Magnus’ hands shaking as they rose to cradle either side of Alec’s face, the tears in Magnus’ and his eyes, the tension. The weight on his shoulder crushing and breaking and drowning him.

 

“Listen to me, Alexander,” Magnus whispered, Alec let him rest their foreheads together as he closed his eyes. “I figured it out. Me. You did not tell me. Which means that you haven’t broken the deal you made with him. It’s over now. My father is a bastard but he doesn’t back out of his bargains, you didn’t break your side of the agreement.”

 

Lips brushed against his, like the kiss of a passing breeze, there and gone in an instant. Like they’d never been there at all. Magnus brushed away the tears that escaped down his cheeks. Alec’s fingers itched to touch, to feel, to hold. So he let them. Magnus took the hands on his hips as enough encouragement to lean up again. This kiss more resolute. A promise that it was all going to be okay. That Magnus meant it when he was offering up everything Alec had turned away from, offering his heart because he’d been right. Alec wasn’t that selfish. 

 

“I’m so sorry,” Alec said when they pulled back. “I just wanted you to be happy. I’m sorry, Magnus.”

 

One of Magnus’ hands slid down to rest against his neck, the other up into his hair as if he was still scared of Alec turning away. 

 

“You wrecked me. Alexander. You have no idea what you did to me,” Magnus said, each word a knife to Alec’s gut, each one was deserved. “And I’m mad at you, I am. But I understand, I know why and I- if it were the other way round and if making the deal could get your runes back, I might have done the same. I’ll forgive you, I probably have already, but don’t you  _ dare _ ever do that to me again. I mean it. No more. This is it. If you think, anywhere in that stupidly selfless heart of yours, that you think you could do that again, then you tell me now.”

 

“Never again,” Alec said without hesitation, kissing Magnus’ cheeks. “You can be mad at me for the rest of our lives and I wouldn’t mind. I don’t mind. I’ll do anything you want, anything I can think of to make it up to you. To make sure you know I mean it. Never again.”

 

Magnus looped his arms around Alec’s neck and pulled him into a tight hug, Alec ran his hands up Magnus’ back, pulling him closer. They stood in their embrace for what felt like a lifetime. One that Alec would relive over and over again if he could. However, Magnus turned his head on Alec’s shoulder to speak again eventually.

 

“Your mother is outside, by the way. She was demanding to see you when I snuck by.”

 

Alec stiffened again, mind flashing to the box that sat in front of the framed photo on his desk right then. “I did not know that,” he said slowly. 

 

“She seems to have her own idea as to why you…” Magnus trailed off, Alec squeezed him gently before leaning back to look at him. 

 

“I thought it was the only way you’d be happy, to have your magic back. And I thought...I thought if you had your magic back, you’d be able to find someone else. That they wouldn’t miss all the things I did, they’d have known you weren’t as okay as you said you were and they’d deserve to ask more than me.”

 

Magnus tugged Alec into a kiss but pulled away before Alec could do more than smile into it. “You’re an idiot,” Magnus said against his lips. “There has never been anyone like you and there never will be again, Alexander Gideon Lightwood. And for the record, I’ve had four hundred years to learn how to hide how I feel, you noticed more than anyone else ever has. Except for maybe Cat and Ragnor.” 

 

Alec couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped when Magnus tipped his head to the side at the end. They both jumped but didn’t instantly separate as they might once have when there was a knock at the door. 

 

“That’ll be Maryse,” Magnus said, “I assume, anyway.” 

 

Alec held onto Magnus’ waist when he tried to step away, earning a baffled but pleased look in response. “Stay,” he asked, “please? I’m...Jace and Isabelle have taken me off-duty so I don’t have anything to say you can’t stay. Or we can go wherever you want, I don’t mind.”

 

The smile that blossomed on Magnus’ face was so achingly familiar, beautiful in every way, he couldn’t believe that he’d ever been able to try and live a life without the man before him. The one who lifted Alec’s hand up to his still-smiling lips.

 

“Forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3
> 
> Comments and prompts (except for NSFW) welcome! 
> 
> Come and find me on tumblr. For fanfic and more writing: [TheWordForest](https://thewordforest.tumblr.com/)


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